Change is hard. We are creatures of habit. We survive on predictability. Even for those of us, like me, who profess to have a high value for change, it’s still uncomfortable.
Early in our marriage, my wife would frequently come home to find the furniture in some room rearranged. Why? I was bored. Rearranging was was fun. The result may not have even been better, but I was entertained. What I learned (finally!) was that inviting my wife into the process was more important that what the final layout of the room. Love has the strongest fung shui.
The challenge for people like me, for whom change is a kind of sport, is to be kind when enacting changes that affect others. Compassionate change.
Compassionate change means valuing those affected and involved more than the change itself. It means that there are people-focused actions that come before the change actions. Compassionate change does these kinds of things first:
- Ask questions and really listen to the responses.
- Pay attention to emotional responses to a proposed change.
- Understand the “why” behind the current state.
- Learn the history; illicit stories.
- Invite others to have input and real agency.
This slows things down, for sure, but that in itself is a gift. It may not be possible or realistic to do this perfectly with every decision, but the more you you try, the healthier your relationships become. The end result may only be marginally better, but others will feel exponentially more loved.