Over and against all other gods who are therefore wrong. Although, in the early days I certainly claimed such things. I’m not saying that I don’t think there’s some validity to that idea, only that Jesus’ rightness wasn’t the initial draw for me. The honest truth is that my young and quite-unaware self was actually more excited about me being right rather than about Jesus being right.
And I don’t believe in Jesus because he is clear. God knows he isn’t much of the time. Although, again, in my early days of following him I was thrilled by certain aspects of Jesus that had become suddenly clear to me. But after reading the Gospels countless times, and after nearly 30 years of following him, it seems that ambiguity is something of a hallmark of Jesus. I don’t mean that as a bash against his teaching or leadership style. It just is what it is. I’ve learned to be OK with the non-clarity. Even to accept it and lean into it.
I may have claimed to begin believing in Jesus because he was right and clear, but I most definitely have not continued to believe in Jesus because he is right and clear. There’s something about him that is more deeply compelling than correctness or clarity. What keeps me in the faith is a sense that Jesus does indeed come from somewhere else that I long to be, that he was indeed sent by someone else that I long to see.
So I keep following, with feeble yet earnest prayers on my lips like, “Jesus, I love you. May your language become clear to me. May I be able to hear what you say.”
