Last weekend I shared a post on Facebook of podcast episode that addresses the reporting mechanism that our previous denomination had set up. I shared the post, along with a very succinct summary of my subpar experience with the process (which I also left as a comment on the original podcast post), because I believe it’s important to hear whether or not such systems are working as they intend to. If the survivors of abuse who attempt to pursue resolution through any given organizational process are not listened to as litmus tests, who, then, is determining effectiveness?
The specifics of my experience is not what I want to get into here. That’s just the backdrop. What I want to bring up now is what happened to the comments section after my post: Two people responded with comments that were shockingly mean, attacking both me and my wife, making assumptions about our hearts, painting as the bad guys. The first of these people to go on the attack was a staff pastor. The second person is a church member who is also a relative of the aforementioned staff pastor.
Not only were me and my wife attacked, but when others who know us very well came to our defense in the comments, they were also attacked, belittled, criticized, and called names. Nastiness on top of nastiness.
Ugh. Moving on…
It is widespread advice for one to not read one’s own comment section. People can be unusually cruel on the internet, in case you haven’t noticed. I’ve heard handfuls of content creators discuss such things. But the reality is that we are all content creators these days. If you post something online—surprise!—you are a content creator. And you are thus at the mercy of the comments section. So to you I would repeat the advice: Don’t read the comments. At the writing of this post, I have not read the comments on my post, but I’ve received dozens of messages and phone calls over the last few days from people who have. (Thank you for your compassion and encouragement!)
All that said, here’s my strong suggestion for all of us as Christians: Read the comments.
The comments on other people’s posts. How we as the Church, Christ’s Body, read, process, and respond to reporting survivors who share their experiences matters. The next time you see a reporting survivor share anything about their experience in a church (or any organization), see if you notice any of these elements in the comments section, and take the time to consider the following questions.
1. People in the church unequivocally defend the church and its leaders.
Questions: Has there been an official, transparent investigation of any allegations of misconduct or abuse? If so, by whom? Was it done internally or by a neutral third party with relevant expertise and training?
2. People in the church lash out and attack the reporter.
Questions: If these people are willing to speak in such mean, hateful, judgmental ways in public, how might they be speaking about people in private? If they are pastors, how has such behavior been addressed by the leadership structure?
3. Others speak up in defense of the reporter.
Questions: Are these people who vouch for the character of the reporter more or less credible than those who are attacking them? Why might you be inclined to believe one over the other?
4. Others share their own congruent experiences in that church.
Questions: Is there a chorus of voices? Have any such people been listened to and protected, or have they also been run off, attacked, or bullied into silence?
5. Those who speak up in defense or share their own experiences are then also attacked by those within the system.
Questions: What’s fueling the defensiveness and retaliation? What message is this sending to church members, and how might such fear of being attacked themselves keep people silent? Are voices from within the church that are being ignored or silenced?
6. Nasty posts from people in the church are subsequently deleted.
Questions: Who benefits from hiding such comments back into the shadows? If it was out of genuine regret for being nasty, was an apology issued? What else is being scrubbed from public view?
Read the comments. Ask the questions.