Over and against all other gods who are therefore wrong. Although, in the early days I certainly claimed such things. I’m not saying that I don’t think there’s some validity to that idea, only that Jesus’ rightness wasn’t the initial draw for me. The honest truth is that my young and quite-unaware self was actually more excited about me being right rather than about Jesus being right.

And I don’t believe in Jesus because he is clear. God knows he isn’t much of the time. Although, again, in my early days of following him I was thrilled by certain aspects of Jesus that had become suddenly clear to me. But after reading the Gospels countless times, and after nearly 30 years of following him, it seems that ambiguity is something of a hallmark of Jesus. I don’t mean that as a bash against his teaching or leadership style. It just is what it is. I’ve learned to be OK with the non-clarity. Even to accept it and lean into it.

Family traits are hard to deny. It’s uncanny sometimes how family members, with all their individuality and diversity, still end up with a similar laugh. Or a similar gait. Or a similar taste in food or music or art. Or a similar lens through which they see the world. Or a similar way of dealing with difficulties. Part of what makes a family a family is this web of shared nuances of being human that are unique compared to any other family.

Family traits are hard to escape. For everyone on earth, there are likely family traits that they enjoy, or are at least just fine with, but there are also those traits we spend our entire lives trying to break free from. Addictions. Unhealthy patterns of communication. Hurtful non-communication. Manipulation or control. Bad habits when it comes to finances. An inability to talk about things that really matter. Families impart to us blessings, and they also impart curses. And maybe that’s just part of the deal.

All of our computing devices—laptops, phones, tablets, tv’s, cars, even sometimes our refrigerators and microwaves—have two types of memory.

The first kind of memory is ROM: Read-Only Memory. This is what most people usually mean when they talk about memory on a device. It’s the more static storage that holds all of our files like text documents, spreadsheets, photos, videos, operating systems, apps, etc. This kind of memory is usually rather large. The amount of used / free memory here depends on how many files the user is storing. So, if you need more room, you simply need to delete some files.

The second is RAM: Random Access Memory. This memory is responsible for handling whatever it is you’re working with at the moment—open apps or programs, specific files, and whatever other processes must run in the background to keep the operating system going. This kind of memory is usually dramatically smaller than ROM. We can usually get away with a smaller amount because the amount of memory being used is constantly shifting. Fewer programs or files open means less memory being used. Which means that much of the time if your device seems to be slowing down, it may be because your RAM is running out of room. Closing some apps or processes will speed up the things you really need to be working with.

Is being lulled into a false sense of freedom. The Pharisees (and others in gospels) are prototypes of this. Their problem was not that they were Jews unable to recognize the real Messiah when he showed up, but that there were human beings who were so comfortable in their religious achievements and activities that they couldn’t even understand the need for a Savior.

We are all quite safe and free already, thank you very much.

Only captives can be set free. All of us are in various stages, degrees, and forms of captivity. So we are all desperately in need of various stages, degrees, and forms of liberation.

Just by default. As if by magic. There is an important sequence of cause and effect within a series of decisions you have to make.

Let’s reverse-engineer this.

The truth will set you free, but only once you know the truth. You have to perceive it or understand it in some way. You must choose to be teachable.

God has not left me alone. The trouble is, I am not always aware of it. God’s presence often feels more like an idea than an experience; more theory than reality.

As a point of doctrine, I take his eternal and pervasive presence as the central existential reality of the universe. And if there is something out of alignment with that, it is much less likely to be a shortcoming on his part than on mine.

But as a point of doctrine, that does nothing for me. Left there, it has not yet become “real” to me in any meaningful way.

Is the place to begin with Jesus. It takes the question out of the more detached, observational realm—”Who is Jesus?”—and makes it personal. This is not a question about Jesus, but rather a question to Jesus. This is not an intellectual question but a relational question.

You’re likely to get a different answer if you ask someone a question about themselves directly as opposed to asking someone else about them.

At first, it can feel like Jesus is speaking an entirely different language. Because he is. Jesus speaks the language of heaven. It’s nearly impossible to understand someone speaking in a foreign language, so don’t be surprised. Just get busy trying to learn it.

Then, as you begin to learn that language, you still often find yourself unsure of certain phrases of Jesus. Because Jesus also speaks the dialect of heaven. You may have learned, over time, to speak the same basic language, but there’s still something lost in the dialect. Like British jokes to American ears.

Might be your best, most honest response to Jesus. Sometimes he just says things that don’t make sense. At least not yet. And sometimes he repeats those nonsensical things, as if by saying it again you’re going to magically catch on.

Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t.

Instead of forcing an explanation, out of some unhealthy pressure to look like a good Christian or to look really clever, I suggest two things:

There is much confusion about God. Not that I really fault anyone for that. God is a confusing concept / belief / being. And we are, after all, very limited creatures attempting to understand a limited deity. As Augustine said,

“Si comprendis, non est Deus.” If you understand, what you understand isn’t God.

But just because we can’t understand all of God, doesn’t mean that we can’t understand some of God. Some is certainly possible; all is a pipe dream.